let me keep my mind on what matters which is my work which is mostly standing still and learning to be astonished — Mary Oliver

A letter from Nathan (former big-time rabbit)

Dear Rabbits,

From deep within my shell, I offer my personal experience of transformation.

Being a rabbit—instantly full of ideas about what is going on, what everyone should be doing, our next great plan of action—serves a couple of purposes (or at least it did in me). As I began to recognize them, the downsides became obvious and untenable... Maybe these signs of being rabbity will inspire you to consider if a better life might also unfold for you as a turtle.

SIGNS THAT YOU MIGHT BE A RABBIT

1. Compulsive Talking: By coming up with ideas and constantly letting my mind race with new concepts/theories, I was distracting myself from uncomfortable feelings—especially sadness and hopelessness. A high cognitive load afforded me a kind of disembodied experience, and thus bypassed my feelings.

• DOWNSIDE: Not paying attention to my body and my emotions meant there was no chance to address what was broken in my life. I didn't allow myself to feel that anything was wrong. It also meant that I talked A LOT, often beginning to respond even before someone else was done speaking. I didn't realize that I was doing this this, and I was embarrased when I saw all the good ideas that emerge from others when I wasn't soaking up all the attention and space.
• WHAT TO DO?: Try spending time with people while following the first rule of No Reply: "Before you speak, consider if what you’re thinking seems worth saying. If it does, say it!" Spend entire days and/or evenings this way.

Once I started to slow down my rabbit brain, to take time to listen and to not know, I was able to develop much better ideas. Good ideas are almost never the first ideas, and finding them very often requires me to go through a period of being lost and things seeming hopeless. Try it for yourself. Be a bit more turtle-y by practicing not knowing what you think right away (or at least start with not thinking it out loud).

2. Compulsive Performance: My social behavior was driven by a desire to please others by appearing "smart", "funny," and a person that was "great to be around". Although I was not reflexively aware of it, I was afraid that I wouldn't belong to the group—that no one would like me if I wasn't entertaining or useful in some other way. I had internalized this way of thinking, and on an unconscious level believed that I actually wasn't worth being around.

• DOWNSIDE: Being out of touch with how I really believed in being meant that a lot of my relationships and projects felt empty. I would build my life around things that didn't really bring me any joy or fulfillment, simply because they were the spaces in which I had managed to twist myself up and fit in. That led to hollow forms of connection to people and work.
• WHAT TO DO?: Play Out of Character . Feel through your social fears and interrogate them. Learn to talk in an open and vulnerable way about your insecurities. Develop practices that bring you into a flow state (atm, mine are bouldering and Kundalini yoga).

By exploring my own motivations, I was finally able to let go of my need to perform and please. I began to trust that I'm a unique human being, and being my weird self in a grounded way was what made me able to make valueable contributions. I ended up doing a lot more watching and waiting, patiently curious about what is actually important—way more turtle-y.

3. Compulsive Orientation: In order to feel secure, I used to develop plans very quickly. Sitting in situations in which the way forward was unclear would send me into a mild panic. I would, for example, not be able to hear a friend's struggles without immediately "figuring out how to help". In fact, when confronted with anything important, it was nearly impossible for me to simply spend time not knowing what to do.

• DOWNSIDE: Always having a plan meant that I missed out on the possibilities that would have emerged if I had taken time to feel through things (this was obviously related to #1 above). It was difficult for me to let things be broken. I had to solve everything right away. I would develop unwise ideas (as nearly all quickly developed ideas are) and end up failing to actually solve most of the problems I confronted.